He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
