proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
