at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
