New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
