just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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