I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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