As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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