help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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