Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
