just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she told me i tasted like america
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
