I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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