he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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