hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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