totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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