How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
