So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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