If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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