My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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