YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
