T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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