Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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