Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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