You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
