I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
