Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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