youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
