I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
