I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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