SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
