i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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