I skipped work to stalk him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
