the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
