hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
