As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
