I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
