quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
