I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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