I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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