i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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