She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
