i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
