Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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