She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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