How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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