Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
