What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
