Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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