White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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