I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
