I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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