I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
