i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
