This is not my ceiling
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize