Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Boobs are out for the taking
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am one with the molecules
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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