If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
