If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
