I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
