I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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