Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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