I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
