I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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