if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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