I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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