I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
