I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
