lets start a swedish sibling band together
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize