If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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