I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
