So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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