Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
