Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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