home. puking in laundry basket.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
