wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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