I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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