I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
