I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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