Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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