so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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