this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
