I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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