Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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