Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
