I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
