Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
