this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
